DiscoverYour Daughter

35% of girls have already been on a diet, and 90% worry that they don’t look good enough. How can we help them?

In a recent Discovery Girls survey, 35 percent of more than 6,000 girls ages 8 to 12 say they and/or their friends have already been on a diet. A whopping 90 percent admit they worry that they don’t look good enough—90 percent!

Think about it: Girls as young as eight years old are putting themselves through emotional and physical turmoil, pushing themselves to be “perfect” before they’ve even hit puberty.

Sometimes, the comments they hear at home are not encouraging. When we asked girls around the country, “How old were you when someone first made a comment that made you feel bad about yourself, and what was it?” these are some of the responses we got:

“My dad called me fat.”

“My mom says that I shouldn’t eat so much and have a potbelly. But then she says not to lose any weight!”

“My mom told me that I’m getting ‘hippy.’”

“I was 12 and my mom said I needed to lose my belly. I didn’t even have a big belly.”  

As parents, the last thing we want to do is say something hurtful or damaging to our daughters. But parents are human, and we make mistakes. We say things in anger or frustration. They come out wrong, or get misinterpreted. And we have our own body-image struggles clouding the issue.

Cruel Words at School

But let’s step away from the home front for a minute, and look at what girls are hearing at school—even within their own social circles—where the criticism is so strong it can border on abuse.  Nearly 50 percent of the girls we surveyed said they had had a classmate or friend make a negative comment about their looks.  And those comments? Here’s a small sampling:

“I was 7 and they told me I was so fat, I needed to have a tummy tuck.”

“I was eight years old and I was reading at school. A boy I don’t even know that well came up, poked my stomach, and said, ‘You’re really fat.’”

“During soccer practice, a girl was giving piggyback rides, and when I asked for one, she said, ‘I only give them to light people.’ I had never thought of myself as fat before.”

“I was 10 and I was in line for an inflatable water slide. A boy next to me said, ‘The weight limit is 1,350 lbs. I’m surprised it didn’t pop when you got on.’”

And the list goes on…and on. 

It’s no secret that kids can be cruel. As parents, though, what we sometimes forget is how deeply girls take such words to heart. In reading the comments from those who responded to our survey, what stood out most was how difficult it was for girls to brush off the painful things that had been said to them, even years later, and even when they were clearly untrue. Their deep sensitivity may be partly explained by the findings of a recent study published in the journal Child Development. Researchers found that tweens derive their body image from how they think others see them, particularly their peers. Tweens have little or no power to make their own, independent judgments on how they look.

Unfortunately, we can’t protect our daughters from other kids’ painful comments, but we do have complete control over how we talk to our girls. Under the circumstances, it’s crucial that they hear the right messages at home.

Sending the Right Message

So what are the right messages? Of course you know better than to tell your daughter she’s fat. But be careful even about suggesting that you both “give up cookies” or “try to slim down.” If she senses that you’re directing a comment at her, she may take it too much to heart.

But what if she really does need to lose weight? Try to get your family involved in doing something active together. Go for a family hike, bike ride, or an after-dinner walk. You may find a more willing participant than you expect: 82 percent of the girls in our survey wished their families helped them eat more healthfully and got more exercise!

The same approach can work with food. Get everyone involved with cooking, and put the emphasis on eating to be healthy and strong rather than slimming down. Teaching kids to prepare fresh fruits and vegetables is a great way to impart nutrition basics, get them more interested in eating these foods, and set a good example…it’s a win/win/win situation! 

Loving Herself

Even if your daughter doesn’t have weight issues, in our society it’s easy to absorb the idea that there’s no such thing as “thin enough.” That’s why it’s doubly important that, as her main role model, you show her that she can love her body—even if it’s not perfect. If you haven’t been able to love your own body yet, focus on modeling self-acceptance for her sake. As a bonus, you may find that if practice it enough, you’ll begin to believe it!

There’s one more thing you can do to help your daughter build a positive body image, and that’s to provide her with Discovery Girls. By featuring a diverse mix of real girls, we show her that strong, healthy girls are stars. And with articles like “Stop Being Mean to Yourself” and “Stop the Negative Body Talk” (February/March 2010), she’ll learn strategies for developing body-confidence. Together, we’ll help her see that the body she’s in is just right for her, even if it’s not “perfect.”