DiscoverYour Daughter

Learn how to build confidence in girls with ADHD or other learning disabilities.

If your daughter has a learning disability, she is not alone. In fact, it is estimated that 25 to 35 percent of children have learning disabilities . Did you know that girls with ADHD or other learning disabilities are more likely to have low self-esteem? According to Dr. Steven Kurtz, Director of Clinical Services for the ADHD Institute of the New York University Trial Study Center, “These kids have the sense that they’re putting a lot of effort into something and they’re not getting enough in return compared to their peers.” Dr. Kurtz also explains, “When you don’t have successful experiences, you can’t build self-esteem.” But don’t worry! You can boost your daughter’s self-esteem by helping her build skills so she feels that she is good at things. Here’s how to build confidence in your daughter with ADHD or another learning disability.

How to Build Confidence in Girls with ADHD

1. See the positive. Focus on your child’s assets and strengths to build her confidence. Find things that your daughter is good at and make a big deal of them. You can also work to make them a bigger part of her life and yours, to keep her focused on her accomplishments.

2. Give praise and encouragement. Verbal, specific praise for a job well done (or encouragement for something being worked on) are effective in motivating girls with ADHD or other learning disabilities to keep trying. But it’s important not to simply say, “Good job!” Make sure you’re praising a specific action your child has taken—that way she knows exactly what she did to deserve praise and is motivated to do it again. For example, when your daughter scores a goal for her soccer team, praise her for her effort or the way she worked with her team, not just for scoring the goal. You want her to know you’re proud of her effort, not just the outcome.

3. Be careful not to use put-downs like “You’re so slow,” or “You’re just not trying hard enough.” Negative comments will only reinforce her doubts about her abilities, undermine her confidence, and keep her from doing her best. Also, be careful not to connect your love with her accomplishments or failures. You know how much you love her, all the time, regardless of whether she fails or succeeds at a certain task—so make sure she knows it, too.

4. If it’s financially feasible, send your daughter to a camp specifically developed for kids with learning disabilities. Camps for kids with special needs are tailored so that she will have a great chance of success, despite her disability. And remember, success will build confidence! Plus, she will meet others who have similar conditions, which will help her to not feel so isolated and alone with her condition.

5. Become your child’s best advocate. Work with her teachers, coaches, and other education professionals to find out how to boost her success rate at school, in extra-curricular activities, and at home. If you understand how your child learns best, then you understand how to build confidence in her by helping her teachers to create an environment that she can thrive in. Federal and state education laws require certain accommodations for kids with learning disabilities, so make sure you take the time to find out what the education laws are in your state and hold your school accountable!

6. Reward. To help your daughter keep her focus on her own successes, reward her frequently for her accomplishments. This doesn’t mean you need to contrive accomplishments for her, but rather that you should create a system where her accomplishments are regularly noted and appropriately rewarded. Girls with ADHD and other learning disabilities need to be reminded about all the things they do right!

In thinking about how to build confidence in girls with ADHD or other learning disabilities, remember that it mostly boils down to two things: help her focus on the things she is good at, and be positive! Helping a child with ADHD can be stressful for a parent, so make sure you get the support you need, too. If you find yourself overwhelmed or just in need of support, consider finding an outlet for yourself as well. Visit http://www.childrensdisabilities.info to find a support group near you.