DiscoverYour Daughter

Have you ever worried that you’re different from all your classmates, even to the point of being, well…weird? Well, guess what? That’s a very normal thing to fret about! But even knowing that may not be enough to set your mind at ease, so we’ve tackled some of your most common concerns. We think you’ll feel a lot more normal by the time you’re done…

“I’m in middle school, but I still like watching Saturday morning cartoons and playing with dolls. (I know…pathetic, right?) Last week my friends saw an American Girl doll under my bed, and I was so embarrassed I lied and said it was my little sister’s. Why can’t I give up kid stuff like everyone else?” -Kendall, age 12, N.C.

First of all, there’s nothing pathetic about enjoying cartoons at 12—or even at 90! Instead of trying to give up the things you love, why not just gradually add a few new interests to the mix? Rent a Hannah Montana DVD or invite a fashion-savvy friend to the mall. Finding new favorite activities keeps life interesting. But keep up your old faves, too, as long as they’re still fun. There’s no law saying you have to inform your friends about every activity you enjoy. But if it does come up, remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Make no apologies: “Yeah, I’ve always loved those dolls. It’s cool how they’re based on different times in history.” Who knows? You may even discover a friend has the same interest, but has been afraid to admit it to you. And if someone does give you grief for having “babyish” interests, just smile and say, “I don’t mind if people think it’s immature. I like it.” If you can accept yourself, most people will accept you.

“I love my friends, but when one of them gets an A+ or scores more goals in soccer, I get so jealous. In that moment, I feel like I hate my friend. One part of me wants to be happy for her, but this other big part of me just thinks, I wish that was me! Do other girls feel that way or am I just a rotten friend?” -Renee, age 11, Calif.

Envy hurts the most when you’re jealous of a friend. After all, we’re supposed to celebrate her wins, not feel bad about them, right? Too bad our feelings don’t always cooperate! Human beings are naturally competitive, and sometimes that drive for success can lead to the (perfectly normal) emotion of jealousy. The good news is, emotions can’t make you a bad or good friend…only actions can. Compliment her right away, even if it feels fake. Then take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that jealousy passes, but friendship remains. Be passionate about achieving your goals. When you see yourself improving daily, it’s easier to be excited about other people’s successes.

“All my friends have boyfriends, but no guy has ever even liked me. Worse, I’ve never had a crush on anybody. Once I pretended I liked a boy in our class just so I wouldn’t seem so weird…but then my friends tried to fix me up with him! I made up all these excuses for why I couldn’t go out with him, but I really just didn’t want to. Am I a total freak for not having those kinds of feelings?” -Jess, age 11, Ind.

There seems to be a lot of pressure on girls these days to go out with boys long before they’re teens. That’s too bad, because dating before you’re really ready can make the whole experience a lot more confusing—and a lot less fun! Some of your friends might even be happier if they could just be friends with boys instead. At any rate, there’s no “normal” age for a first crush. It’ll happen when it happens. In the meantime, instead of making up pretend crushes, tell your friends you’re just not ready to date yet. Reassure them that you’ll keep them posted, and that it’s fine with you if they have boyfriends. Real friends won’t pressure you into dating (or anything else!) before you’re ready.

“I’m the only girl in my grade who wears a bra, and kids whisper and stare when I walk by. I even stopped playing kickball at lunch because this popular girl said I “bounce” when I run. My mom says she developed early, too, but that doesn’t make me feel better. Why is my body doing this to me?” -Anita, age 10, R.I.

Developing first is tough, but then again, so is developing last. Both are absolutely normal, though. What’s important is that you nip your self-consciousness in the bud. People probably aren’t staring as much as you think—it just seems that way because you feel uncomfortable. Make sure you’re standing proud, not hunching over to hide your body. And be open with your close friends so they know what you’re going through and are sensitive about it. Most important, don’t give up physical activity. Get a sports bra that really supports you, and keep playing all your favorite games! Soon your classmates will start catching up, and things will get easier. Promise.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m an alien. All the girls I know are into sports or fashion, but I don’t like either. My hobbies are drawing, reading science fiction, and writing in my blog. Even though I don’t say much, I think people can tell I’m different, so it’s kind of hard to make friends. I like who I am, but I wish I could be normal, too.” -Mardi, age 12, S.D.

Congratulations on having a strong sense of self—and discovering hobbies you love! Now, the next step: finding the courage to really be yourself around others. People probably sense that you’re holding back, and that may make them feel uncomfortable around you. It may be your belief that you can’t show your true self, not your different interests, that make it hard to make friends. The more you feel free to be yourself around others, the more likely you are to find people who share your interests. It helps to keep an open mind, too. Sports and fashion come in countless “flavors.” If basketball isn’t your thing, how about snowboarding? Instead of drooling over the latest outfits, you might like making beaded jewelry. Stay positive, and we guarantee that many people will be open-minded enough to accept you for who you are, if you give them a chance to get to know you.

Originally printed in Discovery Girls magazine. Share this with your daughter.