DiscoverYour Daughter

“I can talk to my mom about almost anything. She just seems to ‘get’ me more than my dad. I’d like to be able to talk to him more, but I always get too nervous!” Sound familiar? It’s not surprising. Not that you don’t love your dad just as much as your mom, but well, Mom’s a girl! No wonder it’s easier to turn to her—she’s been through most of the things you’re going through. But even though a relationship with Mom may come more easily, working extra hard to get that same kind of relationship with Dad will be well worth the effort! We’ve got some tips to give you a head start…

Dad Dilemma #1: He’s the grown-up, so why doesn’t he make more of an effort?

In Dad’s eyes, you’re still his little girl, wearing pretty dresses and having tea parties with stuffed animals in your room. But, news flash…that’s not you anymore, and it’s your job to clue him in. It will take some work, but if you help him understand the new you, he’ll “get” you just like Mom does. Talk with him about your interests, the new club you joined at school, and the music you’re into. It can be hard for dads to accept that their little girls are growing up, and he may feel at a loss as to how he can communicate with you. By showing him that you want him “in the loop” in your life, you’ll give him the confidence to try a little harder. Show him that those tea parties are a thing of the past!

Dad Dilemma #2: We like different things and have different personalities.

Maybe you and Dad have absolutely nothing in common, but that’s okay. Of course you don’t have the same interests—it would be surprising if you did. But that doesn’t mean the two of you can’t connect and do something fun together. You just need to ask! He probably has no idea that you’d even want to do something just with him. It doesn’t matter what you do—any time with Dad will be bonding time. But first find out more about him. What are his favorite activities? What was he interested in at your age? When he was a kid, what did he always want to be? If you find out he always wanted to be a chef, ask him to sign up for cooking classes with you. Or if he’s a classic movie buff, ask him to set aside a night each week for the two of you to rent one of his favorites. It will mean more to him than you know!

Dad Dilemma #3: You’re both so busy, but especially him! How will the two of you ever find the time?

Between your math homework, play practice, and Dad’s extra-long hours at work lately, you both seem way too busy to do anything together. Finding the time each week can be tough, so ask him to set aside a certain night each week that can be your “Dad time.” Maybe it’s just catching up on American Idol together (you both love giving critiques!) or helping him with the yard work on the weekends before shooting a few hoops. Whether it’s 20 minutes or 2 hours, all that matters is that you’re doing things together!

Dad Dilemma #4: I don’t even know what he’s thinking half the time!

Dad’s not a mind reader, and no one expects you to be one either! If you’re having a hard time understanding what makes him tick, let him show you. If he never misses a game of college football, but you’re completely stumped as to what’s so great about men in tight pants, sit down with him one afternoon for a game and see what all the fuss is about. He can teach you a thing or two along the way. And while we’re on the subject of guys…Dad might just be a great source of advice about boys! After all, he used to be one. Let him help you crack the guy code!

Dad Dilemma #5: We never have anything to talk about!

Mom always seems to know just what to talk about (it’s as if she can practically read your mind at times!), but you just don’t seem to have that connection with Dad. But that’s only because boys and girls are programmed differently. With Dad, say what’s on your mind and get the conversation going. And now that he knows all about the new you, there will be lots more to talk about. Here’s another tip: Sometimes it’s easier to bond with Dad through an activity rather than a nice long chat. So get him in his element! If he’s an outdoorsy guy, ask if you can join him on his next fishing trip. The conversation will come easily, and hopefully the fish will, too!

Don’t expect an awesome relationship with Dad to happen overnight! It will take some time and effort, but don’t let that scare you. A stronger relationship with Dad is totally worth the work! And, really, you both want the same thing…to get to know each other better! See? You and Dad do have something in common after all. So start bonding! 

Originally printed in Discovery Girls magazine. Share this with your daughter.